Pieces of Life in pile

Looks like a pile of wasted paper right? But right here is a list of people with their diseases and how I was able to help them in my own little way. 

These were from the time I started working at St. Paul and I don't really get it why I still keep them. I could throw them away that easy as soon as I get off from work but I somehow find myself saving them for something I don't really know; Or maybe, I just have some serious hoarding issues. IDK. 

As I scanned every piece, I could still remember MOST if not all of my patient's faces. Of course, some of the names listed here died during my shift, some died after some time, and some are still alive and SURVIVING. 

I may have a lot of complaints about how much stress I get from my job, somehow, these pieces of paper makes me stop, think, and appreciate the essence of my hard work. I was able to help a life today. I somehow eased their pain. I was part of something. And now, I see the difference between a job and a vocation.

I HAD a job. HAD because now, I am seeing how I made a difference and how I can be of service to more people, not just to myself. 

V.

I have this patient. He's only a year old and at a young age, he's already battling Cancer. 

Okay. This is not him. Well let's just say that this is Baby V. Hang cute diba? With those pretty little eyes looking and staring at you. Well, he sort of looks like this baby. Anyway, back to the story, ayan, si Baby V. He's only a year old and is already diagnosed having Acute Myeloid Leukemia. Heartbreaking, I know.

Back when I was studying Oncology at school, we were taught that usually, cancer cells get to the blood last because of its powerful defenses. So usually had the impression that once you have cancer of the blood like AML (Acute Myeloid Leukemia), you die. 

But from the months and years I have been working at the hospital and seeing these patients having this kind of illness, death would be bittersweet. Why? Just imagine..

You have AML, just like Baby V..

• His WBC count is 0.48! WBC or also known as White blood cells are responsible for fighting infections. Normal value is 4.3 to 10.8 x 10raised to 9 cells per liter. Just imagine that 0.48? Having no bullet to fight all those villains trying to attack you at the same time. Tragic. :(
• Non-Stop fever. I check him as often and as safely as I could and sadly he is always febrile. As much as I wanted to at least let him cool down, his body's not able to fight organisms causing his fever.

• Easy bruising or bleeding. Since baby V is still a baby, he thumbsucks and poor boy, he wounded his fingers and gums that easy. One prick from blood extraction and he bleeds like he's been stabbed.

• Weakness/ feeling so tired. Baby V is one patient who is giving us a hard time inserting an intravenous line cause he had very weak veins, and as a baby, they fear of mutilation so, they go wild when someone tries to touch them. But, that was a few days ago. Now that he's weak, he doesn't even have the energy to feel the prick of the needle anymore. When we were inserting the IV, his parents were crying saying: "Ang anak ko, ni hindi na umiyak nung natusok... Pagod na pagod na siya"

• Weight loss and appetite. V could not eat cause he vomits everything he takes in. Since his confinement, he's lost a lot of weight.

Awww. Poor V. I'm wishing him all the best in the world. He's too young to suffer yet to young to miss out on the world. I hope he can survive this, and to his parents who I believe are fighters, you too shall be blessed for giving your child the fighting chance he deserves.

Empty

Ever had those moments where you just feel extremely sad to the point that you're running out of things to feel and suddenly feel nothing... just empty..

I had a hard time going to sleep last night. I kept turning in my bed, positioning myself, putting my blanket on and then removed it after a few minutes and it kept on and on for ours till I finally knocked out. When I woke up for work, I did what I usually do. But somethings just different about this day. I am so quiet and blank.

I thought about money. How people lavishly spend their money on stupid, unnecessary things while I was trying hard to budget mine for I am no longer asking from my parents and I pay some of our bills. My salary isn't that big but it's just enough. But really, I kinda wished to be on the other side for a moment. To be that someone who shops her heart away, who travels and goes to anywhere she wants. I wanted to be SELFISH. I wanted to think of myself only and to get all that I want. Thus, the emptiness knocked once.

I thought about love. I thought of the movies and how perfectly written their love stories were. I thought of how everything was in perfect timing and I thought of mine. It was probably one of the best stories ever written, but difference is, 1. it is true and is not a story but is life 2. the timing is not as perfect 3. we're apart and 4. i couldn't control everything. I wanted to be SELFISH. I wanted to control our situation. I wanted to be spoiled of flowers and chocolates and other things. I wanted movie dates, lots of hugs, out of town vacation. I wanted someone to pick me up after work and someone to kiss me before I sleep BUT I'd have to wait for the right time. I have to let him grow up for us. I have to let him be a better man. Thus, the emptiness knocked again.

I thought about family. I thought of how it feels to be in a complete one. I felt dismayed with people taking their families for granted because of selfishness and pride. I thought of having both parents on your side during your birthday, recognition day, graduation day, wedding day.. And i thought never having mine. Thus, the emptiness came inside me.

As much as I wanted to completely share how I feel, words probably wont be enough. Thus.. I am empty.

Self-proclaimed modelo

I love posing in front of the camera and at the same time, I also love to be behind the camera. Kaya bet na bet ko talaga yung pumoposing at feeling professional photoshoot lang. Forte ko talaga mga ganitong ganap kaya ipopost ko dito ngaun mga inarte moments ko. Pagbigyan niyo na po ako.

P

Mid-Year Reflections

I know it's already October pero bakit ba!? Bet ko gumawa ng Mid-Year reflections ko ngayong ika-10th month na. Para maiba lang di ba? Lol.

Kidding aside, this year has been wonderful for me. I remember when I was in the 4th grade (?) I think, my Mom and I was strolling around Megamall when we were intrigued by a stall full of people. Curiously we went near and discovered that was like an astrology and numerology reading stall. During that time, I had a very strong belief in the moon and the stars' alignment so we tried it out. The results were printed out in paper and the descriptions and predictions turned out to be true.

They just based from our birthdays. I remember mine saying that I will be at one point rebellious which later on happened; It also said I had a very strong personality which I believe is true. It also mentioned that number 11 is my lucky number. I did win contests having the number 11. And since it's 2011, I believe that it has strongly proven it's point.

I've had tough years. When we welcomed 2011, I was hopeful. I felt the good vibes. And I prayed for a good year and in the side hoped that this will truly be my year since it has 11 in it.

JANUARY.

Ah. Such good vibes. I was formally employed this month. It's my first REAL job and I'm proud that I worked hard to get this. Of course at this day of age and with our economy, getting a real job just afet graduation and passing the board exams is a big relief. Maiiaahon ko na sa hirap ang pamilya ko, chos! 

Aside from getting a job, I turned another year older. At 22, I'm a college graduate, a Registered Nurse, a staff nurse, and still single (Not that I have anything against early marriage and parenthood).

FEBRUARY.

Workaholic. I was so busy and focused at work. This was also the time I got my first regular salary and spent it for my family. Nothing really biggie but I just felt they were so proud of my achievement. 

MARCH & APRIL.

Career woman. All work and minimal play. I was determined to get where I want.

MAY.

I got an offer at work to attend this seminar. It was an honor to be chosen but I turned it down because of a friend's wedding. I was sad of the missed opportunity but as everyone said, there will be a lot more to come, You just have to wait...

JUNE.

Asthma attack at work. First time to be rushed at the ER but touched when everyone who knew me visited me and asked how I was. 

Late Summer outing with friends at work. Time for some well deserved RnR. 

JULY. 

I requested for a Leave to watch my favorite band Incubus and start a business with my cousins. I finally bought my long time wish- a DSLR and just when things are getting good, comes...

AUGUST.

The opportunity did come and this time, I grabbed it wholeheartedly. I (together with Marie) were tasked to attend a seminar on Infection Control. I thought it was merely a seminar but it was actually more of a training cause we were next in line to becoming the hospital's Infection Control Nurses.

SEPTEMBER.

I was sent again in Manila, ALONE to attend another seminar. I gave my Mom (with the very big help of my Nemo) a birthday treat she had long wished before. 

A few months more before another year but I am very thankful of the blessings showered upon me. Thank you LORD! I am a sinner and not perfect but still, you trusted me and continuously guide me and give me these things. Thank you and I love you!

Bridal Shower [5.17.11]

As I watched on movies, I had the impression na pag mga bridal shower, may mga kakaibang ganap. May mga paniwala pa nga ako na baka hindi matuloy ang kasal kasi maiinlove yung bride sa stripper (blaming it all in movies). At yun nga, our friend, Tonet was about to be married and siyempre ang mga bakla all out ang effort sa pagpaplan ng bridal shower.

What we planned:
1. Dapat may MACHO DANCER. Siyempre ang mga becklings yan ang number 1 target nila. Ang tanong, san tayo kukuha ng mga ganun? Buti sana kung asa Manila kami at gora lang kami siguro sa Malate meron na. Pero HINDI PWEDENG WALANG DANCER. MAGHAHANAP TAYO.

2. the TITI CAKE. Since may bakeshop sila Nina, we thought na siya na bahala dun para narin makatipid tayo.

3. HOTEL. Believe me, nagcanvass talaga kami. We went to Hotel Roma at naka okray pa ata kami kasi when we asked kung how much yung standard room nila, sabi ba naman ni Manong na looking so confident infront us “Kung yung 1 BEDS po eh nasa 900”. Tinginan kami ng mga bakla! 1 BEDS talga? Pag 1 BEDS ba iisang bed lang ba yun or marami na? Hanggang sa bumulwak na kami sa tawa at mejo npahiya ata si Manong kaya ayun umalis nalang kami.

4. FOOD and DRINKS. Yun naman ang happy ako saming mga bakla, di kami mahilig sa inuman so light drinks lang keri na. So we were thinking kung Tanduay Ice or taste yung Boracay Rhum.

Andaming plano noh? Pero mostly FAIL. hahahha. Bilang kami ay mga nurses, wala kami oras magprepare. At pangalawa, CHEAPANGGA! Wala kaming mga datong! hahahaha. So we only raised enough money for the stripper and food and drinks. Good thing we had Anne’s farm as venue so mejo private parin naman.


THE DAY HAS COME..









Sa ganitong facial expressions malamang alam mo nang anjan na yung dancer. jejejeje


Ang ito naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!



There are actually more DIRTY photos but everyone’s sake, I’m not gonna post it nalang. hehehehe. For our eyes only.

Here’s a vid before the incident. hehe.

At ang mga hiyawan nung umeentrance na siya! lol

So that would be all for now. Sa uulitin! hahaha,



<3lots,



ACA.

Photoshoot’s gone Mainstream

 

One of the most overrated gadget nowadays: DSLR Professional Camera.

 

I have always wanted one since I was in love with photography. I basically love pictures and views at kung anu-ano pang ganap. I could ask my mudak to buy me one but ma-pride ang lola niyo, gusto ko pag ipunan on my own. And since may pagka ambisyosa ang loley niyo, ito lang naman ang gusto ko.

 

 

Pero, habang nagiipon ako, npansin ko lang. Padami ng padami ang mga may hawak ng ganitong klase ng camera. Syempre, aaminin ko may ingget factor kasi bet na bet ko talaga yung mga ganyan pero napapansin ko din kung maka photoshoot na ang mga loley to the highest level na! Parang nagka SLR lang naging photographer narin?

 

Nakakainis lang minsan kasi nawala na yung art and love for photography. Naging “in” nalang siya. Parang ordinary nalang. Wala na yung parang magic, yung story na binibigay ng isang photo. At parang nawalan na rin ako ng gana ng magkaroon ng ganito. (50% like ko parin)

 

Naisip ko lang, pano kaya kung magbago nanaman ang uso. Ano nanaman kaya ang susunod? Video naman? So marami nanaman magiging videographers? Hay nko mundo.

 

So sa slight na pagkainis ko, naisip kong magphotoshoot. Showing na, hindi porket may SLR ka kaw lang ang may karapatan. Chos! Ayun nga, just wanted to show that you don’t need a high end camera to capture beautiful photos. It’s not the camera naman eh, it’s the MOMENT. (and pati nrin the model, pakak!)

 

So ito na ang produkto. All photos taken by my Kodak 10mp Digicam. Post processing done at Adobe Lightroom and look at the results naman! Parang HD lang din. O diba!

 

PS. Wala akong tripod. Patong patong everywhere lang ang drama nyan!

 

 

Test shot 1,2,3

 

Shades by RayBan; Belt turned Headband; At ang lighting care of our window

 

Sa kwarto ko naman itey at ang camera ay nakapatong sa cabinet.

 

Believe me, hirap na hirap akong kunan ang sarili ko dito. Kasi gusto ko ma-achieve ang epek na may photographer talaga ako pero yun pala ako lang.

 

Ako lang kumukuha nito. Super inextend ko ang aking mga kamay.

 

Eto naman yung mga pinatong ko kung san-san lang.

 

 

Diba aura lang?

 

 

<3lots,

 

 

Aca.

Song of the Day: People are People by D’Sound

 

First of all, I would like to tell you that this is one of my favorite song of all time and that the lyrics perfectly describes ME.

 

 

I am the one
who believes in all that you say,
I am the one
who never wants to define herself.
I am the one
who's parallel, upfront, behind,
I am the one
paddling like crazy through the night.

Refine, old time, color-blind.
Big sign, do time, doesn't rhyme.
A lot, too much, standing tall,
and I'm crying in the valley:
"I shall never, ever fall!" and

Chorus
People are people and I
feel so strong,
People are people and I'm
going on.

People are people and I
feel so strong,
People are people and I'm
going on.

II
I am the one
who stirs it up every time,
I am the one
who never knows how close she is.
I am the one
who'd rather be dead than confess,
I am the one
trying to be good, wanting to be bad, and so on.

Excess, temptress, big mess
phony, lonely, it's a test.
Be still, my heart, don't you fail.
And I'm crying on the stage floor:
"I will always prevail!" and

Chorus
People are people and I
feel so strong,
People are people and I'm
going on.

People are people and I
feel so strong,
People are people and I'm
going on.

I'm going on...
I'm going on,
I'm going on...

I going on.

<3lots,

Aca.

LDRSentiments101: Solo Concierto

 

One of the things that bind me and my bf together is music. We have the same taste in music in any genre. One genre that we particularly enjoy is Rock/Screamo/Indie/Reggae or what other people consider as NOISE. We enjoy listening to growls and screams and those who are not considered mainstream. He is actually the one who introduced me to these kinds of music and I immediately embraced it because of the deep lyrics and different approach of storytelling.

Since he left for the states, I haven’t found any of my close friends who share the same interest in my music. And it’s sad listening to music alone without someone to share it with. Oh yeah, we could still talk about it online but it’s still different if you’re singing and talking about it personally. Much worse is, going to concerts ALONE.

A lot of our favorite bands have been coming here in Tugue lately and as much as I want to watch them all, I just can’t for the following reasons:

1. There’s no one who could go with me. As I said, none of my close friends are interested. I could go with my Ading but of course he would rather be with his barkada than his ate.

2. Since rock bands are mostly sponsored by liquor or some other sort, they are generally not safe. There will always be an 80% chance of fight. And being a girl, I wouldn’t want to risk it.

But, I did experience going alone twice. First was the Urbandub concert. I knew a lot of people and familiar faces but of course, they are in their own cliques and I would not want to be FC (feeling close) and immediately go with them. So I chatted with them for a few minutes and during the band performance, since I was alone, I easily got to the front and moshed with random people. The second and latest was during Up Dharma’s gig. I did invite a few people who tolerated my fangirl moments. Then after a few hours they just had to leave so I saw another someone I know who luckily admires the band and went with them a few minutes and then slowly faded into the background, sitting, smiling while secretly wishing my special to be with me in this kind of moments.

It was just plain sad. But truth is, we chose this kind of setup. We agreed and compromised cause this was for the better I believe. This is just one of the harsh realities we have to face and to fight in order to keep our relationship going.

 

 

Gaga over Up Dharma Down

I was devastated last Friday night (July 24) cause I was on duty and I wasn’t able to watch Up Dharma Down perform.

The next morning after my duty, since it was my off, I went to the dentist with my ading for our adjustment and then bought some to-go food @ Hotel Roma for lunch.

While waiting for our order, I saw a girl about to go out and since I wasn’t wearing my glasses, I stared and whispered to myself.. “parang si @armimillare yun ah”. Then I asked my ading si Armi yun di ba!? Sabe nya: “Kanina pa kaya sya dun kala ko nakita mo”

Then, I immediately took out my phone which was dead and borrowed his phone and begged him to take our picture but he refused. So I ran outside instead and got the chance to talk to my idol.

Me: *huge smile* Hi armi! fan mko. Can I take a pic with you?
Armi: *shy* Hallah, di ako ready! hahaha. Di pa ako nakaayos
Me: *onga naman, kakabreakfast lang ng tao ginugulo ko na mgpapicture*
Armi: Later nalang ok lang. We’ll play again tonight.
Me: Okaaay. *super saya*

Then I went back inside the resto super happy and cold. OMG i had a close encounter with my idol. Napaka fan-girl lang! Then when I went home, I immediately tweeted her and immediately got a reply:

I was hyper! So I rushed to bed to sleep so I can be energized that night. And then the time has come! Before showtime, I was literally waiting outside their van. As in. Fangirl talaga pero bakit ba!! And then, it’s time to perform!

*drumroll*

Sorry di kami gaanong prepared. :)

Ako naman ang hindi. hehe. Ansaya ko lang nkalimutan kong dumilat.

Awwwww @armimillare. <3333